I’d like to say that we began
fostering because we had a “calling for it”. Or maybe because we read the Bible
daily and know what it says about fostering and adoption. In our daily prayer
sessions God spoke directly to us and laid it on our hearts to foster. I wish that we wanted to make a difference in
a child’s life. However, in all humanness and honesty our sole reason for
fostering was less altruistic and so much more selfish. We wanted another baby,
desperately. I wanted another child like I wanted air. Every fiber of my being
craved a sweet baby in my arms. I prayed for my body to be healed to be able to
carry a child. I longed for days where
multiple children would run at our feet, would play (nicely, quietly and for hours
with each other), and the sweet smell of baby and delicious sound of baby laughter
would fill the air.
Throughout the process, I was convinced that God hated
me. That I had done something very, very wrong and He had turned his back on
me. The truth is that I did. I had told God, “No”. Just as Jonah had run from
God’s request, so had I. For a majority of the time that we had tried for a
baby I had been hearing a still small voice. I certainly heard it… I just
doubted who it was. Surely, God would
not be speaking to me. After all, He had been silent for so long. He had taken
my Josiah away. He hadn’t answered a single prayer I had prayed over the last
few years. It also wasn’t what I had imagined it to be. It wasn’t Godly. There
were no bushes burning in my front yard and I didn’t get a voicemail with caller
ID that said “Incoming Call From God”. So, I just chalked it up to my
imagination and my desperate wanting to hear from Him.
The voice certainly wasn’t prevailing,
but it was clear. There were two requests, I get baptized and I go to this
adoption/foster care meeting. I had said no to both. I grew up Catholic and had been baptized as a baby. I didn't feel the need to do it again. Each week that the pastor would call people to come forward, I
would sit. My heart would urge me to go but my feet would not move. I would
tell myself on Josiah’s due date, I’ll go forward. But Josiah’s due date came
and I didn’t like the preacher that morning or his message so my feet didn’t
go. Surely, if God himself was calling me to do something, I should have been
moved to tears that day.
My husband had
been strongly anti-foster care. We would never be able to give up a child or
love someone else’s child the way that we love Drew knowing that we may have to
return them. The love that is so all encompassing it hurts. And the cost of
adoption was overwhelming. We didn’t have a large savings, we were already in
debt and the thought of coming up with the $25,000 or more needed to adopt was
laughable.
While God’s
voice may not be loud, it certainly is persistent and patient. And each time I
said no, each promised date that had passed, the voice waited and patiently
urged again.
I finally said
yes to the second request. We joined our
small group “Adoption/Foster Care Support” and attended our first session on
October 2, 2013. That night, God used the people in that group to be his hands
and voice and our hearts became open to foster care. I called the foster care
agency that most of the group was connected with the next week and didn’t
receive a call back. For three weeks I called almost daily and never heard
back. I even met with another agency but didn’t feel comfortable with their
process so I had continued to call Serenity. On October 27, 2014 I said yes to
His first request. I was baptized at Vantage Point Church. That night, I
googled foster care agencies and came across Koinonia Foster Family Agency. I
completed the questionnaire. They called
the next day, happened to be literally across the street from our work and had
an orientation that night. Brian and I attended and began the process with them.
Typically the process takes 6 months to complete, but we were finished in 6
weeks. The whole time praying that we would hold a baby by Christmas. Never before had the agency ever completed a certification
in 6 weeks. Surely, God was there.
We held our
foster baby, for the first time on December 20, 2013. Oh, but God had a
much bigger plan for us that one more baby.
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